Cameron Menzies revealed he has "lost feeling in my fingers" after punching a table following defeat to Charlie Manby at the World Darts Championship.
Menzies, who looked visibly upset while congratulating Manby in December, was taken to hospital after his outburst, and held his hands up to apologise to the crowd during his exit.
He also later issued a public apology, referencing his uncle's death as a source of mental strain leading up to the incident.
It was the Scotsman's second loss in as many years at the first hurdle at the World Championship, and he candidly told a press conference at the Poland Darts Open how he has continued to suffer as a result of his reaction to the defeat.
"We know what happened at the worlds, I've done a lot of damage to myself," Menzies said.
"Basically I have no feeling in my fingers anymore because of the damage I've done, so I've been struggling massively.
"I couldn't throw for six weeks, I had to go through surgery, I still have to go through hand treatment. I've made a massive mistake in my life, and I have to live with that.
"I was lucky that it was not as bad as it could have been. I am lucky I can still play, they told me things may be severed, so I had to go through a hand specialist.
"No words can explain what I felt at that time, waking up with a breathing tube for a game of darts. I was stupid and I have to deal with that."
The Poland Darts Open is the first tournament Menzies has played in since his injury, and his campaign opened with a 6-4 win against Ritchie Edhouse - though the road back to action has been anything but smooth.
"They said when they operated on me that I was lucky that I hadn't severed any nerves or tendons, I'd just battered and bruised them," Menzies said.
"At the moment I have no feeling in one side of my finger and the other, but I hold the dart the other side so I am kind of lucky.
"There's been a few times where I've felt like wrapping [up my career], I'm just not in a good place that way.
"It was fairly good to go out and win again, because it's been a tough year.
"I was so close to pulling out this weekend, I'm just not enjoying it at the moment, but that today has given me a bit of love back again."
Menzies will face James Wade on Saturday in the next round of the competition as he looks to continue his ascension back to the top of darts.
Who will win this year's Premier League Darts? Luke Humphries will be defending his title and you can watch the action every single Thursday from February until May on Your Site.
